Heart of a Hero (New Beginnings Book 4) Read online

  Finally, her turn came. Lisa placed her mug on the coaster on the coffee table in front of the couch where she sat with David next to her. All gazes, accept Joey’s, were fastened on her. Having come to a decision a moment before, she squared her shoulders and leaned forward. “I’m thankful for the Lord’s love and mercy. I’m thankful for sitting here with you, drug-free with a plan for my life.”

  “Drug-free?” Kelli asked in a chair next to the roaring fire.

  Lisa glanced down at her hands now clasped together tightly. Her courage wavered. She sucked in a deep breath and plunged ahead. “Yes. Four years ago at this time, I was struggling to get off drugs and not doing a good job. My son was taken away from me. Although I wanted to keep my focus on getting Andy back and becoming clean, I kept thinking about my next fix. Then one snowy night I nearly died and knew I couldn’t keep going with what I was doing, or I would end up in the morgue. The Lord took me under His wing, and I’m proud to say I’m drug-free and have been for almost four years.”

  “I didn’t know.” Kelli’s gaze strayed toward her brother for a few seconds, then returned to Lisa. “Thank you for sharing. No wonder you’re so good with some of the ladies at the shelter. You’ve walked in their shoes.”

  “And never want to again.” Lisa scanned the faces of the people in the room, finally stopping at Joey. He’d raised his head and looked right at her. For just a moment she saw puzzlement in his eyes before he peered at the floor near his feet.

  Silence reigned, the crackling of the fire the only sound.

  David slipped his hand over hers. She peered at him. Admiration shone in his blue depths, sending a warmth through her that rivaled the blaze in the grate.

  He leaned toward her and whispered into her ear, “That took courage. Thanks for trying to help Joey.”

  She gave him a smile. “Your turn.”

  “I’m thankful for coming to Cimarron City, being with my family and—” he squeezed her clasped hands “—friends.”

  After a few seconds when David didn’t continue, Max popped forward on the other side of his uncle. “I’m thankful Christmas is almost here.”

  “Max!”

  “Well, I am, Mom. I’ve been waiting all year.”

  David’s chuckle drew Lisa’s attention to his face, relaxed, all the tension that had come and gone throughout the day with Joey melted away. He angled toward her and caught her staring at him. A flush warmed her cheeks. She looked down. For a few seconds she’d felt special in his eyes, as though she were important to him, as if he didn’t know about her past. But he did. She sobered, trying to squelch her feelings toward David.

  “Now that everyone has finished, I need someone to help me do the dishes.” David rose. “I told Kelli I would clean up if she would cook. Any volunteers?” His penetrating gaze implored her to accept.

  The kids all glanced away from David.

  Unable to deny his silent request, Lisa stood next to David. “I will. After that delicious meal, I’d be glad to.”

  As she left the den trailing David, she heard Max ask if anyone wanted to play charades. There were a few groans, but Mitch jumped in and started organizing everyone into two teams.

  “Maybe I’d better stay,” Lisa said out in the hallway. “Mitch has Andy and Joey on the same team. That’s not a good idea.”

  “Let’s see what happens. Joey probably won’t participate anyway. We’re only a room away if there’s any trouble.”

  “I guess nothing will happen with Kelli in there.”

  David pushed open the door into the kitchen. “Which do you want to do, wash or dry?”

  “Wash. I wouldn’t want you to get dishpan hands.”

  He laughed. “My hands are like leather whereas yours aren’t. Let me wash. You dry what doesn’t go into the dishwasher.”

  “You won’t get an argument from me.”

  “Oh, I’ve got to remember that. Thanks for helping me. I was hoping you would.”

  “You did?”

  Starting with the stack of dirty plates, he rinsed each one, then passed it to Lisa. “Yeah, I wanted to ask you about the Sunday school classes. Is there one you think would help Joey?”

  “You could have asked your sister. She goes to the same church.”

  “I know, but she would make a big deal out of me attending. I’m trying to postpone that as long as possible.”

  “You’ve been away from church a long time?”

  “Since my first year on the force,” David answered, giving her the last plate, then starting on the glasses.

  “Because of what you saw as a cop?”

  “Yeah, it’s kinda hard to think there’s a God who cares when such horrible things happen.”

  “Then why do you think this will help Joey?”

  He stopped and turned toward her. “You said the Lord helped you quit, so maybe the same could happen for Joey.”

  But not for him. David had all but said that. “I’m not so sure he’s in the same place as I was.”

  He resumed rinsing the rest of the dishes. “Okay, chalk it up to desperation. I don’t know what to do to help him, but I’m gonna help him somehow.”

  “Why are you so intent on helping him?”

  “I have to.”

  “Why?”

  He tensed.

  Even from his profile, Lisa could see a war being waged within David. She expected him to dismiss her question, but he released a long sigh and turned off the water, then pivoted toward her, only a foot between.

  “Because I killed the thirteen-year-old brother of a drug dealer. He was shooting at me and a teenage drug user. I didn’t know it was just a kid when I returned fire, but I haven’t been able to get the child’s face out of my mind.”

  “When did this happen?” she asked, shocked that he would tell her something like this.

  “Almost two years ago in Dallas. I’ve been haunted ever since. I’ve never killed a person before. I’d…” His voice thickened, and he bent forward, gripping the edge of the counter. “Worse, in the confusion of the exchange, the drug dealer brother escaped. We never caught him, and he’s out there I’m sure, corrupting others. The whole bust was for nothing.”

  “He knew his brother was there?”

  “I’m sure he did.”

  A coldness bore into her heart. “And he didn’t care.”

  “No, but even knowing he used his own little brother as a lookout/enforcer hasn’t made me forget what I’d done.”

  Clasping his arm, she spun him toward her. “What did you do? You protected yourself and the teenager. What else were you supposed to do? Let the boy shoot you, possibly her.” Ten years ago, she could have been that girl. Now she totally understood David’s emotions tangled up in her confession of the past. And she couldn’t blame him. In his eyes, he’d always look at her with that incident in Dallas in mind. But she could help him. The Lord saved her. He could do the same for David, and she could show him the way.

  “I’ve told myself all that.” Pain glazed his eyes. “I—I…” He swallowed hard. “That doesn’t erase the fact I killed someone.”

  “But when you became a police officer, you knew that was a possibility.”

  “Yeah, but knowing is one thing. Actually, doing it is entirely different.”

  “So you’ve been having a pity party for the past two years?”

  “Whoa. You don’t pull any punches.”

  “Helping Joey won’t change the past. Won’t bring the kid you killed back to life. I’m not saying you shouldn’t help Joey, but it won’t make it better. It won’t change the facts.”

  He twisted away from her, pulling his arm from her grasp. “But it could make up for taking a life.” He moved to the stove and grabbed the pans still sitting there.

  “It doesn’t work that way.”

  He rounded on her. “What way?”

  “Guilt won’t go away because you do a good deed. It’ll still be there waiting to come out when you least expect it.”

&n
bsp; “So you’re saying for the rest of my life I’m gonna feel guilty over this kid’s death.”

  “Maybe. But you might think about asking the Lord for help. He was there for me. He can be there for you.”

  David turned away and gathered up all the pans, then brought them to the sink. “Is Andy coming to the tae kwon do class this Saturday?”

  “With Joey off the team, there shouldn’t be any more problems.”

  “I still think he can benefit from learning it, but it’s your call. I personally would like him to come. I want to get to know him better. Your son’s influence is what a child like Joey needs.”

  “Andy doesn’t want to have anything to do with Joey. You saw what happened today at the shelter.”

  “And I don’t think Joey wants to have anything to do with Andy, but that doesn’t change the fact that Andy would be a good role model for him.” David squirted soap into the sink and then turned on the hot water.

  Andy and Joey together. She couldn’t see it. “I don’t know if I want Andy hanging out with someone like Joey.” Earlier she’d encouraged her son to help Joey, but that didn’t mean she wanted him to get close to the kid. She wanted to do the right thing, but the protective mother in her kept interfering with what she knew the Lord would want.

  “You’ve given your son some good values to live by. Trust he will do the right thing.”

  “Trust him? You’re telling me to, and you don’t trust anyone.” Especially me. That thought cut her to the core. “There was a time you didn’t trust Andy, either.” Her throat closed around the last sentence.

  He swung his gaze to hers, an intensity in his expression that stole her breath. “I trusted you when I told you about the thirteen-year-old I killed. My sister doesn’t even know.”

  His declaration stunned Lisa and robbed her of any reply. He’d given her a rare gift. The significance of it overwhelmed her. “Why did you?” she finally asked when she didn’t think her voice would crack. “Especially in light of my past.”

  “Because you shared a part of yourself with me and then tonight with Joey. I felt I owed you.”

  In that moment their relationship shifted. A bond of friendship grew, forged by a painful past. Entranced by his all-consuming look, she melted against the counter, her nerveless fingers releasing the towel to float to the floor.

  He swallowed several times and dragged his gaze away. “Is there a Sunday school class that will help Joey?”

  “There’s one for the middle school kids. Andy belongs and loves it. It’s a supplement to the youth group for that age.”

  “Then that’s what I’ll take him to.”

  “How about yourself? If you insist he go but you don’t attend a class, won’t that defeat your purpose?”

  “Right. Do you go to one?” He stooped over and retrieved the towel from the floor, then handed it to her.

  “A Bible study group.”

  “Is Kelli part of it?”

  “No.”

  “Good.”

  “There’s no way you can go to the church and Kelli not find out.”

  “I know, but I’d rather do this without getting her involved. She worries enough about me.”

  “Why does she worry?”

  He raised one shoulder in a shrug. “She’s my little sister.”

  “Maybe she senses something is wrong.”

  “Probably. We’re only eighteen months apart and have always been close.”

  “When I was little, I used to wish I had a sister or brother, but now I’m glad no one else was affected by my mother.”

  “Is she still alive?”

  Lisa grabbed a new clean dish towel and began drying the first washed pan. “No. She died of an overdose. After that I tried to get off the drugs, but it didn’t work. I went cold turkey and it didn’t last a day.”

  “It’s hard to do it alone—actually, nearly impossible.”

  “We all need others.” Her gaze snared his and held it for a long moment. Let me help you.

  He finally broke visual contact with her and concentrated on the next pot, but she noticed his hands shook.

  * * *

  “I didn’t get a chance to tell you last week at class, but I haven’t had to force Andy to come. He wants to. He looks forward to coming,” Lisa said the second David approached her at the refuge’s recreational hall on the first Saturday in December.

  “That explains his one-hundred-percent participation. That first lesson he hung back for half the class and got into the moves only at the end. Now he stands in the front line, eager to demonstrate if I need someone to.”

  “He hasn’t said anything to me, but I think a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. How’s Joey doing?”

  “Last week he was much like Andy was that first lesson. Today he participated more and what I saw was good. He’s a natural like Andy. What I would love to do is pair them up. They would challenge each other.”

  “That’s what I’m afraid of and the results wouldn’t be pretty.” She turned toward her son who came across the rec hall.

  “Mom, can I go to the new barn with Gabe? I want to check on Tiger.”

  “Sure. I’ll be over there in a minute. I haven’t had a chance to see the barn since they moved the horses into it.”

  Andy jogged to catch up with Gabe who was leaving the building. Joey walked out behind the two boys at a slow pace.

  “How’s Joey getting along with the others?”

  “Not so good. Roman tells me that he’s hostile to most in his cottage.” David strode toward the door. “I’d better make sure nothing happens outside. Joey was caught fighting on Monday again.”

  “Then is teaching him tae kwon do a good thing?”

  “He needs discipline, confidence. All that anger is covering up a scared kid.”

  Outside David paused on the stoop. Lisa came up to his side. Andy and Gabe were nearly across the yard near the pasture that led to the barns. Joey stood still a few feet from the rec hall, his shoulders slightly hunched, staring at the ground as he kicked at some pebbles.

  “Joey,” Gabe called out.

  Joey raised his head and stared at the two boys.

  “Wanna come to the barn with us?”

  Joey didn’t say anything but turned away. Lisa caught the longing in his eyes that he quickly covered when he found her looking at him. “I don’t like animals,” he muttered and started toward his cottage, set off from the other four.

  “You might not like animals, but Roman told me you’re supposed to muck some stalls out after class.” David descended the couple of steps.

  “That’s all there is here. Chores! I’m slave labor,” Joey yelled.

  “You’re being clothed, fed and given a roof over your head, so doing a few chores isn’t too much to ask.”

  Joey fisted his hands. “But I didn’t ask to be here.”

  “Remember the jail tour? Is that where you want to end up?”

  Joey’s chin jutted out. “I won’t go to jail. I’m too smart.”

  “You got caught, didn’t you? If you keep doing the same thing, you’re headed in that direction. People earn their way in this world.” David turned back to her. “Want to walk with me to the barn?” He ambled across the yard with her next to him, glancing back halfway to the pasture. “I expect you to fulfill your duties as everyone does here at the refuge,” David said to Joey who remained glued to the same spot.

  Grumbling peppered the air behind Lisa. Joey was going to fight them every step of the way. “Mitch is worried about his brother. Joey won’t even talk to him much. He thinks Mitch sold him out. It breaks my heart to see money and drugs possessing a child. As far as I’m concerned, Joey is still a child.”

  “It’s happening younger and younger now. For the past two years I’ve avoided anything having to do with drugs if possible. That’s the main reason I got my detective shield while I was still in Dallas. The area of town I patrolled was riddled with a drug problem.” He stopped halfway across t
he meadow, turning toward her while he glanced behind him. “Now I see I can’t run from my past. It just follows you wherever you go, so I’ve got to deal with it. I have you to thank for that shift.”

  “I did?” Lisa noticed Joey trudging toward them, slowing his pace when they halted.

  “Kelli told me how you help some of the women at the shelter if they’re having trouble staying off drugs. If you can face your past every time you work with others with a drug problem, then I can, too. I’m starting with Joey, but no telling where this new attitude will lead me.”

  “My, that sounds like optimism from you.” She pressed her palm against his forehead. “Just checking for a fever.”

  His chuckles echoed through the pasture. “We’d better keep moving. I don’t think Joey can go any slower and still be going forward if we don’t.”

  “You know often when there is a child who’s angry or withdrawn Peter or Roman have hooked them up with one of the abandoned animals. The child becomes totally responsible for that animal.”

  “That’s a great idea. Isn’t there a new potbellied pig someone dropped off the other day at the gate?”

  “Yeah, Andy told me about it. Maybe Peter hasn’t chosen anyone to name the pig yet. But there’s also the litter of puppies and a couple of other animals.”

  At the old barn Lisa saw Peter talking with Roman in front of the stall that used to house Belle. The mare, along with her foal, Tiger, had been moved a few days ago to the new building. She headed straight for the two men in a serious discussion about the pig.

  “Did Andy and Gabe go through here?” she asked, seeing the newest animal rooting around in the stall.

  “Yeah. They went that way.” Roman pointed toward the back of the barn.

  David peered toward the front entrance. “I have a favor to ask. I’d like Joey to be responsible for one animal, its feeding, care, everything. Is that possible?”