Cimarron Refuge Read online

  Laura walked alongside him through the house and out onto the porch that ran the length of the front. “Helping put the kitchen together.” She waved her hand down the length of her. “Can’t you tell?” She pointed to a bright cobalt-blue blob on her denim shorts. “This is the trim and this—” she touched a yellow streak on her T-shirt “—is an accent color.”

  “I see you’re still messy with a paintbrush.”

  She flashed him a saucy smile. “Well, my break is over. Back to work. We only have twenty-four hours to the big wrap-up party.”

  While Laura went back inside, Peter paused on the porch. Hundreds of volunteers were scrambling to finish the two houses. Some were people from school. Others were friends from church. But there were a lot of strangers who had offered a helping hand.

  “Peter, do you want anything to drink?” Sadie stopped beside him with a tray full of cups of water.

  “Laura just brought me one.” He’d seen Sadie earlier at school. Although the students didn’t start until next Tuesday, the day after Labor Day, he and the staff had been dividing their time between working at the school and here. The fact that the whole high school staff had volunteered to help shouldn’t have really surprised him. The people he worked with were generous to the point where many were putting in long hours at both places.

  “I’m gonna have to have a word with her about taking my job. This is about all I can do.” She glanced down at her rounded stomach. “It won’t be long. Actually should have already happened. Andrew is beside himself. He should be here somewhere. He’s so excited about becoming a father again. This time he’s sure it’s a girl.”

  The mention of Andrew being excited, coupled with Sadie being very pregnant, brought back memories of three years ago when Diana announced to him that she was going to have a baby—another man’s. The betrayal he’d experienced at the moment still stunned him even today. She’d had an affair with a neighbor, gotten pregnant and was leaving him to marry the man. She’d relished telling him that her lover had been able to give her what he couldn’t—a baby.

  “Peter, are you okay?”

  He heard Sadie’s words as though she were yards away from him instead of inches. He curled his hands so tightly that pain shot up his arms. “I— I’m okay.” He tried to smile, but the corners of his mouth quivered.

  “Has the heat gotten to you? Here, take another drink.” With concern etched into her features, Sadie thrust the whole tray toward him.

  “No, I’m fine really. I just remembered something.”

  A doubtful look pinched her lips into a frown. “You want me to go get Laura?”

  “No!” He said it so fast even he was surprised.

  Laura was the last person he wanted to see while his emotions raged and waffled. Diana’s infidelity underscored all the reasons he needed to be cautious in any relationship with another woman. Diana had taken his heart and stomped all over it. The few times he’d seen her since the divorce had wrenched him with thoughts of what could have been. The more attracted he became to Laura the more he thought about his ex-wife. How could he put his heart on the line when he hadn’t forgiven Diana? That realization struck him like a wrecking ball knocking down an old abandoned building.

  “Maybe I will take another cup of water.” Peter snatched one from the tray and downed it. “I’d better get back to work. There’s still a lot that needs to be done.”

  “Okay, boss,” he heard Sadie say as he hurried away with his wheelbarrow to get more plants.

  Why hadn’t he realized he hadn’t forgiven Diana? Why had he thought he’d worked his way past the hurt? Probably because I haven’t dwelled on what happened in the past. In fact, I’ve made it a point not to think about what transpired those last few months with her. But there’s no way I can go forward with Laura, feeling this way. It wouldn’t be fair to her. He’d known Laura had been running away from her past but to discover he had, too, still stunned him fifteen minutes later when Jacob cornered him in the courtyard.

  “Peter, slow down. We’re going to get this done in time for the party.”

  Peter paused in lifting the last bag of mulch from the wheelbarrow. “We still have so much to do.”

  “Are you planning to stay late again?”

  Peter dropped the bag onto the cement near the flower bed. “Yes. I’m not sure we can complete the houses in time.” He started pouring the mulch around the begonias.

  Jacob gripped his arm. “Want to talk about what’s really bothering you?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I know you, Peter. We’ve been friends for years. I think of you as a brother. You’re upset. It’s written all over your face. Is it Laura? I saw you talking with her earlier.”

  Peter frowned. “It’s Diana.”

  “Oh.”

  There was a wealth of meaning in that one word. Jacob had been there for him through the divorce. He’d seen Diana’s baby at the hospital hours after he had been born. Jacob had been the one who’d made him realize he had to go on with his life. “For the past few years I thought I was over what had happened to Diana and me. Yes, I was cautious about getting involved, but I attributed that to being gun-shy. Today I found out that wasn’t really the case.”

  Jacob pulled him away from the others working on the courtyard. “You aren’t over Diana? You still love her?”

  Peter shook his head. “It’s not that. But when I was talking with Sadie, all of a sudden I realized I’d never forgiven Diana for getting pregnant with another man’s child.”

  Jacob’s brow creased. “But you’ve been around Sadie for months. You two work together. She’s involved in the fund-raiser.”

  “I know. But when she began talking about how excited Andrew was about becoming a father again, something clicked in my brain. I’m still carrying around a lot of anger. Anger I thought I’d dealt with.”

  Jacob cocked his head to the side. “Does Laura have anything to do with this new revelation? I know how much you care about her. Does that scare you? Are you using Diana as an excuse to back off?”

  “You are just full of questions.”

  “And you’re avoiding answering me.”

  Peter wanted to avoid his friend’s inquiries, but Jacob wouldn’t let him. He knew him too well. “How can I move on when I feel such anger at Diana for betraying our vows? Will that happen again? I don’t want to be alone. I want children running all over the place. Is that why I’m attracted to Laura? She has four kids who are wonderful. That was only confirmed when I took care of them while she was in St. Louis.” Peter raked his fingers through his sweat-drenched hair. “If I ever marry again, it has to be forever. I can’t go through what I did with Diana again.”

  “Are you sure it isn’t cold feet the closer you get to Laura? I’ve seen you two together and there are definitely sparks flying. I’m envious. I want that one day.”

  “I need to be one hundred percent sure. I don’t ever want to hurt Laura or her kids.”

  “Of course. But you know nothing is a guarantee in life. We make the best choices we can and hope for the best.”

  Tension seized Peter’s neck muscles in a tight hold. He kneaded his fist into his nape. “After what happened with Diana, I can’t have a relationship with secrets. And Laura is keeping some. She won’t let me in.”

  “Have you been totally open with her, especially about Diana?”

  Jacob’s question plagued him far into the night. Even when he finally laid his head on his pillow, he couldn’t sleep. He hadn’t let Laura in completely, either. There was always a part of him he held back. What a pair they made. As he had begun to get to know Laura, he’d actually started to think he was ready to date, to get involved with a woman, to marry again. Now he knew better.

  * * *

  THE FESTIVE AIR of the More Than Dreams final taping stirred Laura out of her exhaustion. The balloons, the signs, the food, the volunteers were all in place. She stood at the front of the crowd, waiting for Peter, Noah, Jacob
and Alice to arrive to do a walk-through of both houses with the show’s host.

  Someone jostled Alexa, and she bumped into Laura. “Mom, look at all the people. I’m glad we got here early.”

  After finishing up the kitchen, Laura had gone home a few hours ago to dress for the taping and party. As one of the board members of the foundation, she knew she would be in the front of the mass of people because of their involvement.

  “Look, there’s Alice.” Joshua pointed toward the silver Lexus that pulled up in front of the cottages. “She’s using a cane. Is something wrong with her?”

  “It’s been a long week. That’s all,” answered Aunt Sarah, who stood on the other side of Laura.

  Was that all? Laura wondered. She studied Alice’s slow gait. Laura realized that the past week had been hectic even for Alice, who hadn’t done any of the physical labor. But she had been interviewed more than once and had been in the middle of all the chaos. She loved every minute of it, but the tired lines had deepened as the week progressed. Alice probably wouldn’t admit it, but being on this show was one of her dreams coming true.

  What is my dream?

  She would have said, when she’d first come to Cimarron City, to get her own place, to provide for her family and pay off her debts. Now she didn’t know. When she thought about Peter, confusion reigned. There wasn’t one indication he was anything like Stephen, and yet fear and guilt kept her from taking the next step with him.

  Maybe her dream should be to know what her dream was.

  She laughed at the thought.

  “What’s so funny?” Sean said, having pushed his way closer to her.

  “Oh, nothing. Where have you been?”

  “Taking care of the animals in the barn. Chad helped. I told Peter I would, since I knew he wouldn’t be able to.”

  What if she continued to see Peter? How would Sean take it? They hadn’t talked much, both of them being so busy with the foundation and the Shepherd Project. Although her eldest spent a lot of time at the ranch, especially since it was summer, there was still a reserve between Peter and her son, as though Sean wanted more but wasn’t sure about it. Much like her. She needed to have that conversation with her teen. She couldn’t disrupt her children’s lives any more than she already had, especially Sean’s.

  “They’re going inside.” Matthew tugged on the sleeve of her soft peach-colored dress, the only thing she had bought for herself in a long time.

  The group entered the first house with the camera crew filming it all. She’d have to wait until the program aired to see Peter’s reactions to a few of the surprises she knew had been brought in after he went back to his house to get ready and to pick up Alice. Computers for the kids. A van in the garage. A state-of-the-art office for the house parent. A whole array of games in the family room.

  “When do we get to go through?” Alexa asked.

  “As soon as the group moves to the other house, we can have the grand tour.”

  “Really?” Joshua hopped from one foot to the other. “Before everyone else?”

  “Yep, kiddo. Mom’s on the board.” Sean slapped him playfully on the top of his head.

  Ten minutes later Laura, her family and the others who were involved with her in the fund-raiser were allowed to go into the first cottage. The producer wanted their reactions taped for the show, as well. She wondered how it all would be spliced together.

  Laura linked her arm through Aunt Sarah’s and headed up the steps. Although she’d seen most of the house, awe still washed over her as Laura went through it—enough bedrooms and baths for eight foster children and one house parent or couple, a large family room and dining room with a long table that seated twelve, a well-equipped kitchen and a laundry room with two washers and dryers. Beige tiles covered the floors in all the common rooms while a medium brown carpet was in the bedrooms. Large windows brought the outside into the cottage, making the place cheerful, warm. And all this had been built in a short time because of the tons of people involved in the construction. Amazing!

  “Mrs. Williams, you’re one of the board members of the Henderson Foundation. How do you feel today about seeing the completion of the houses?” a production assistant asked while a cameraman filmed her response. Another person from the local television station was present, too.

  “Elated at this beautiful job the More Than Dreams team did here. The cause is such a worthy one. Many foster care children will benefit from this.”

  “Are you accepting donations?”

  “Yes. We’ll be having our first fund-raiser the second Saturday in September at the Cimarron Hotel downtown. It’s a dinner and auction with such items as a trip to Disney World, the use of a leased car for a year, a new computer and printer. The proceeds will go to running these two homes. We hope to have them open by the end of September.” She knew that the local reporter would be using part of her interview to publicize the auction and the upcoming More Than Dreams show.

  After she spoke to the production assistant and he, the cameraman and local reporter moved on, Alexa grabbed Laura’s arm. “Mom, you’ll be on national television.”

  “If I am then so are you because you were right next to me.” She’d been interviewed on several occasions, and it was still hard for her to believe she would be on TV for millions to see.

  Her daughter’s eyes grew round. “That’s right.”

  Laura laughed as the realization took hold of Alexa. She straightened, her shoulders thrust back, a huge grin on her face. A lump jammed Laura’s throat at the sight of her happy children. Joshua and Matthew were exploring the large family room, looking through some of the games stocked in the cabinet while Sean had disappeared outside to the courtyard.

  Thirty minutes later Laura and her children had viewed both cottages and made their way toward the backyard where a tent was set up for the celebration. Although most of the filming was finished, there was one camera crew weaving their way among the guests taking candid shots of the festivities.

  “How are you holding up?” Peter said from behind her.

  She pivoted, surprised she hadn’t heard him approaching, but then she shouldn’t be because the noise level was high, forcing her to answer him in a loud voice. “By sheer willpower. Now that the excitement is winding down, so am I.”

  “I think that’s how Alice feels. Jacob took her home.”

  “She’s gone?” Laura scanned the crowd.

  “Yes, five minutes ago.”

  Strange. She would have expected Alice to say goodbye. But then nothing was normal since the production crew had come to Cimarron City a week before. She’d pay Alice a visit tomorrow and see how she was doing. “How are you holding up?”

  “Personally, I’m thinking this is what shell shock is like. Numb. Not sure if I can string two words together coherently, especially on camera. I guess we’ll find out in four weeks when the show comes on and the whole world sees.”

  “Is that panic I hear in your voice?”

  “More like terror. I just hope I represented the Henderson Foundation well.”

  Laura touched his arm. “You did great. Besides, you’re the Henderson Foundation. This wouldn’t be happening if it weren’t for you.”

  He took her hand. “C’mon. Let’s find someplace where we can actually carry on a conversation without shouting.”

  He went into one of the cottages through the kitchen and didn’t stop until he was standing in the courtyard. A few lights streamed through the windows, crisscrossing the cement while the moon’s rays bathed them in a soft glow from above. Peter tugged Laura close.

  He sighed. “Ah, the sound of semisilence. Wonderful. Much better.”

  “It will be nice to get back to a normal routine.”

  “With school starting on Tuesday and the fund-raiser the following Saturday?”

  “Yeah, what were we thinking?”

  “About the kids. The faster we can get everything in place the faster they will have a home.” His expression sobered.
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  “I knew there was a reason I’m working 24/7. Well, not exactly 24/7, but it sure feels like it,” Laura said with a laugh, wanting to interject some humor into the suddenly somber atmosphere.

  Peter stepped back. “This is the first opportunity I’ve had to talk to you in private in say a week. I have something I’d like to tell you.”

  His serious tone made what little strength she had drain away. She crossed to the wooden bench and sat, the sound of the fountain behind her soothing and almost drowning out the distant noise from the party and her thundering heartbeat. Peter remained standing a few feet in front of her, the shadowy light hiding his features.

  “I’ve told you about my ex-wife and our divorce, but I left something important out. She was pregnant with another man’s baby when we divorced. I’d known she’d wanted her own child, but I hadn’t realized the extent of that desire.” He paused, his chest rising as he drew in a deep breath, then falling as he released it slowly. “When she told me about being pregnant, her betrayal nearly crushed me. Before I realized I couldn’t have children, I’d dreamed of her carrying my child. Then there she was before me carrying another man’s.”

  The pain in his voice pierced through her heart. She came to her feet and covered the space between them in two long strides. “I’m so sorry, Peter. I’m— There are no words to say to make it better.”

  “I thought I was fine until lately. What I’ve finally realized is that I’ve never forgiven Diana for what she did. I’ve harbored this anger deep inside. Every time it started to surface, I squelched it subconsciously.”

  “What’s changed?”

  “You in my life.”

  His answer stunned her. “Me? I don’t understand.”

  “I’ve started to think of us as a couple. I want there to be more between us, but I haven’t resolved some of my issues concerning Diana. I have to find a way to forgive her.”

  “Why?” Laura thought of her own feelings toward Stephen. Forgive him? She didn’t think she ever could.

  “Because these feelings are poisoning me. She’s already harmed me. I need to put an end to it.”

  “You make it sound so simple.” It wasn’t for her, not where Stephen was involved.