What the Heart Knows Read online

  Kathleen didn’t say anything, and her silence prodded him to fill the void. For some reason it felt right to talk to her even though he hadn’t discussed Alice’s problem in a long time, hadn’t wanted to re-hash something he’d rather forget.

  “My wife hated housework, so one weekend I decided to help her. We had only been married a few years. That weekend I discovered one liquor bottle stashed behind the cleaning supplies under the sink and another one on the top shelf of the linen closet.” He paused, still sharply remembering the cold feel of the bottle in his hands as he had shown it to her. “I hadn’t realize Alice even drank. She knew how I felt about it.”

  “So she kept it hidden from you?”

  “Not after I confronted her with the two bottles. From then on she was open about her drinking.” Memories of watching his wife empty a bottle into a large glass then down it shuddered through him.

  “That had to be hard.”

  “Yes.” Jared took another sip of his coffee, cupping the mug to mask the quivering in his hands. “I’ve seen what alcohol can do to a person, medically speaking. In some ways I wished I had remained ignorant of her problem.”

  “Ignorance is bliss?”

  He placed his mug on the mat, this time being careful and said in a tightly controlled voice, “She wouldn’t let me help her. There were times my frustration level was unbearable. It’s hard watching someone self-destruct.”

  Kathleen slid her hand across the cool glass and covered his. “How did you handle the stress?”

  “I worked harder and longer at building my practice. By that time we had moved to Crystal Springs. And when I wasn’t working, I threw myself into the activities at the church we attended. If I hadn’t, I don’t know how I would have made it, especially when Alice became pregnant with Terry unexpectedly. I didn’t want any more children. I had seen the effects of alcohol on unborn babies.”

  Kathleen squeezed his hand, her heart swelling. “Terry seems fine.”

  “He is.” Jared blew out a long breath. “Thankfully Alice agreed to go into rehab while she was pregnant. Everything seemed fine for a while, but a few months after Terry was born, she started drinking again and was killed in a drunk driving accident.”

  Tears stung Kathleen’s eyes, a lump lodged in her throat. “I’m sorry.”

  Jared blinked, slipping his hand from hers. He straightened, a flush to his face. “I didn’t mean to tell you that. It’s not something I like to relive.”

  “Maybe you should. It’s important to work through our feelings in order to get beyond them.”

  “That life is behind me.”

  The look of doubt in his eyes belied the force of his words. “Is it?”

  He held her gaze for a few seconds, then glanced away. “Yes. Living through it once was enough.” He rose in one fluid motion. “I’d better be going. Tomorrow will be a long day.”

  Kathleen walked Jared to the door and watched him descend the steps out front. The droop to his shoulders attested to his weariness. The tight grin he gave her as he waved good-bye emphasized he wasn’t over what he had gone through with his wife. He might think it was behind him, but Kathleen knew it wasn’t.

  Chapter Four

  “Can I see what you have in that package?” Jared asked as Hannah and Kathleen approached him in the mall.

  His daughter’s eyes grew round. She quickly hid the bag behind her back. “No.”

  Jared took in her rosy cheeks and knew he had stepped into territory best left to the women. “Did you spend all my money?” That wasn’t a safe question for a man to ask, either, he realized after he’d said it.

  “Not yet,” Kathleen said with a laugh. “But if you like what Hannah wants to buy, yes.”

  “You want my opinion?”

  “Since you’re paying, Kathleen thought so.”

  “Let’s eat first, then I’ll take a look at it. Where do you want to have lunch?”

  “The Greasy Spoon,” Hannah said, her face lit with a huge grin.

  “What’s that?” asked Kathleen. “I thought I knew most of the restaurants in Crystal Springs. Of course, I’m not sure any place called the Greasy Spoon should be considered a restaurant.”

  “It’s fairly new,” Jared answered, starting to walk. “It’s at the other end of the mall. Not bad, if you like fried food. Hence the name Greasy.”

  Kathleen fell into step next to Jared with Hannah on her other side. As they made their way to the restaurant, Hannah veered off to the left, pulling her father over to the display window of the toy store.

  She tapped the glass near an electronic game station, saying, “I want that for my birthday.”

  “That’s not for another six months.”

  “Oh, yeah.” Hannah’s shoulders sagged. “You know it might be something you could get both Terry and I for the summer when it’s too hot to play outside.”

  Jared pressed his lips together, his eyes dancing with merriment. “You’ve never had trouble finding something to do during the summer before. Why should this summer be any different?”

  Hannah opened her mouth to say something, but instead snapped it closed, her expression screwing up into a thoughtful look.

  “You could always save your allowance and buy it for yourself.”

  The girl brightened for a moment, but the eagerness evaporated when she saw the price. “That’ll take at least six months.”

  Jared placed his hand on Hannah’s shoulder and began walking toward the other end of the mall. “Think how much it will mean to you when you finally get it. You could always earn some money. I weeded gardens for my neighbors at your age, which is where I learned to love yard work. I would dust for the Lunds. I walked Mrs. Wilson’s dog for her because she couldn’t. Now that, I loved doing.”

  “I could do that. I know Mr. Batchlear can’t take his dog to the park like he used to. Maybe he would pay me to. And I bet I could get someone to let me weed their garden.”

  “Actually you could do mine if you want,” Kathleen interjected.

  “I can! Great. My first job!” Hannah jumped up and down, her blue eyes sparkling, her ponytail swinging from side to side in her excitement.

  At the Greasy Spoon Hannah ran ahead to get a booth in the corner. Jared made his way at a much more subdued pace.

  “I’m sorry, Jared. I should have asked you about that first.”

  Jared shook his head. “No, I think it’s a great idea. It’ll give her a goal to work toward. I appreciate the offer.”

  The grin he sent Kathleen made her heart flip over. She swallowed hard and returned his smile. “And I’ll have someone to weed the beds out front. Usually Mark does it, but he hasn’t shown any interest this summer, and I hate yard work, so this is a win/win solution.”

  “Since your problem is solved,” Jared slid into the booth across from Hannah, “maybe you could help me out with a problem.”

  “What?” Kathleen sat next to Hannah.

  “I need another chaperone for the hiking trip this Saturday with the youth group. Phil has to work and can’t make it. Are you game?”

  “Hiking?

  “You said you like to do that with your family. Here’s another opportunity to get Mark involved in the youth group and enjoy what I think will be a gorgeous day. The weatherman promises sunshine and mild temperatures.”

  “And you believe him?”

  “Call me naive, but yes, I do.”

  Hannah giggled. “Dad always believes the man on the radio in the morning. Last week he took his umbrella to work and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky all day.”

  “Mike Morgan goes to our church. Someone has to support him.”

  “You’re a friend no matter what.” That was what Kathleen liked about Jared the most. She hadn’t known him long, but she knew she could depend on him, and right now in her life that was important because of her son.

  “I like to think so.”

  “Dad, wait till you see the outfit I picked out for church. Kathleen says
I look good in it. It’s a yellow-and-orange dress with no icky flowers on it.”

  “It’s a dress? The last time you went shopping you told me you didn’t want any dresses.”

  “Not for school, but I need one for church. The one I wear is too small. I’m growing up.”

  The look of surprise on Jared’s face at Hannah’s declaration brought a chuckle from Kathleen. She didn’t think he was quite prepared for his daughter to turn into a young lady. Her transformation would prove to be interesting to watch. From their conversation today Kathleen didn’t think Hannah was as much a tomboy as Jared thought.

  “What else did you find?” Jared flipped open the menu.

  Hannah blushed. “Just girl things.” She slipped from the booth, saying, “I’ll be back in a sec,” then headed for the restroom.

  “A dress! I’m amazed you got her to agree even to try one on,” Jared said, observing his daughter disappear into the ladies’ room.

  “We talked a little bit about how she would change over the next few years and what that meant. We got the sports bra and then a regular one. I stopped to admire some of the dresses and she gravitated toward the yellow-and-orange one. When I suggested she try it on, she did.”

  “How come it sounds so simple with you, but when I go shopping with her, it never is that simple?”

  “You’re a man.”

  “Thanks for noticing,” he said with a wink and a grin.

  Now it was Kathleen’s turn to blush. She definitely had noticed. The heat flaming her cheeks went all the way down her neck. She could tell he took pride in keeping himself in good physical shape. With his dark hair and startling blue eyes, women must gravitate toward him. But the thing that made him the most appealing to her, and she suspected others, was his kindness and his caring attitude.

  “You’re easy to tease.”

  Kathleen pushed away her musings concerning Jared. She had no business thinking of him in any way other than a friend who wanted to help her son. “I told Hannah if she needed me to help her again that I would be happy to.”

  “You’re a lifesaver. I’ll encourage her to take you up on your offer.”

  “It lets you off the hook.”

  “You bet. I get tongue-tied just thinking about shopping with my daughter for more grown-up clothes. It was fine when she liked to dress as a boy, but realistically I know that will change, and I’m not sure how I feel about it. Next thing I know some young boy will be coming to the house to take her out on a date. That’s gonna be mighty hard on me.”

  “It usually is for dads.”

  “But not moms?”

  “We know what’s going on in the daughter’s head.”

  “Yeah, that’s the problem. We know what’s going on in the boy’s head.”

  Kathleen laughed. “So it will be easier for you with Terry?”

  “You bet. Guys don’t wear makeup and lacy things.”

  “I meant what I said to Hannah. I’ll help her whenever she needs it.”

  Jared’s gaze shifted to his daughter returning from the restroom. “This dad will be in your debt.”

  As Hannah sat down beside her, Kathleen felt the rightness of the situation. She had enjoyed shopping with the young girl. For a few hours she had forgotten her problems with Mark. She had experienced what it would have been like if she’d had a daughter.

  Jared made her feel important to his family, a good friend. She needed that in her time of trouble, to keep her focus on what was possible.

  Kathleen stood on the edge of the hiking trail and scanned the valley below. Miles of green stretched before her. The tops of the trees gently swayed in the southerly breeze. The sun beat down upon her, chasing away the early-morning chill. When she lifted her gaze, she noticed not a cloud in the azure-blue sky. The scent of pine and earth filled her nostrils with each deep breath she took.

  Even though behind her she heard the voices of the teenagers, she cleared her mind and allowed peace to settle over her. Closing her eyes, she imagined herself alone on this mountaintop with not a care in the world.

  Someone jostled her. She glanced over her shoulder at a young man as he passed her on the path.

  “Sorry, ma’am. Lost my footing.”

  “That’s okay.” She fell into step behind him, realizing her moment of daydreaming was over.

  “I love hiking up here,” Jared said, coming alongside her on the trail as it widened.

  “Makes you feel on top of the world.”

  “Makes me feel closer to God. One of the best ways to celebrate His glory is to spend time in the outdoors admiring His work.”

  “I’m glad Hannah could come.”

  Jared leaned close to whisper, “She heard you were coming and her plans changed.”

  Jared’s nearness shivered down her spine. His lime-scented aftershave lotion vied with the outdoorsy scents that enveloped her. “She did?”

  “She asked to come along the second I got home that day you two went shopping. I’m surprised she didn’t call me at the office. She was hopping around as though she could barely contain herself.”

  Pleased, Kathleen searched the path for the young girl and found her up ahead sandwiched between Shane and Mark. “I think I got more out of the shopping trip than she did. You’ve raised a wonderful daughter.” Again the longing for a large family inundated Kathleen. John and she had tried to have more children, but it had never happened.

  “You’ve made quite an impression on her. She’s already canvassed the neighborhood for odd jobs and has gotten three of them besides yours. She’s going to be busy for the next few weeks.”

  “Has she started baby-sitting yet?”

  “I want her to take the Red Cross course first, then maybe she can sit during the daytime. She needs to be a little older for baby-sitting at night.”

  “I was thirteen. When’s the course being taught?”

  “In two weeks at the high school. Now she has Terry looking for ways to earn money. My neighbors don’t know what hit them with both my children soliciting odd jobs.”

  “Maybe I can come up with something for Terry, too.”

  “I don’t want you to go to any extra trouble. You’ve already done so much.”

  Kathleen came to a stop on the trail and faced him. Shielding her eyes from the sun, she looked at him. “What are friends for? Helping each other is part of that. Your children are wonderful.” And this feeling of helping him made their friendship feel more equal, as if she wasn’t always depending on him. That was important to her.

  A couple of the teenagers passed them on the path. Jared observed them walk ahead, then started forward, taking up the rear. “I think they are, but then I’m partial. I just want their lives to be as normal as possible. The last few years with Alice were very hard on the family.” Tension took hold of his expression, firming his jawline, sharpening his eyes.

  Every time he mentioned his deceased wife, Jared grew taut, stress swirling around him. Kathleen wasn’t even sure he realized it. She suspected it was automatic with him. What little he had told her grieved her. Her marriage had been so different, a true partnership. “Children can often bounce back faster than adults.”

  “I’d have to agree with you on that. I don’t know if I’ll ever recover. Watching someone destroy herself and not being able to do anything about it was something I don’t ever want to go through again.”

  Kathleen thought of Mark and his behavior lately. Maybe that was the real reason she’d returned home. She didn’t know if she could deal with her son by herself anymore. It was times like this when she missed John the most, and yet the man beside her made her hope that there was a reason behind her son’s changes and they would discover what it was.

  The nearest teenager disappeared around a bend. Jared halted his progress and placed a hand on Kathleen’s arm, stilling her movement. His warm touch comforted her, a connection to another who was rapidly becoming important to her.

  “I’m glad you could talk Mark into comin
g today. It’ll give me another chance to see how he behaves with the others.” Jared slid his palm down her arm to grasp her hand. “On the ride in the van he was pretty quiet.”

  “I don’t think he said one word.” He linked their fingers together, and Kathleen felt the bond pierce defenses created after John’s sudden death. That scared her. She needed those defenses. When she’d lost John, her life had fallen apart. That wasn’t something she could go through again.

  “But then with Shane and Connie monopolizing the whole conversation that would be hard. I don’t think I said much.” Jared held their clasped hands up between them, looking deep into her eyes.

  Drawn to him, she leaned closer. Again his distinctive scent surrounded her. “I didn’t notice. I was enjoying the beautiful scenery.” Her words came out in a husky stream while a hollow feeling in the pit of her stomach expanded.

  “Are you two coming?”

  Shane’s loud booming voice split the air and parted Kathleen and Jared. Standing on the trail up ahead were six teenagers all staring at them with broad smiles on their faces. Kathleen hurried forward, her cheeks flaming. She wished she could attribute it to the sun, but she couldn’t, and the kids knew it. In the back of the group of six were Mark and Hannah. Hannah beamed; Mark scowled. He spun about and started along the trail with determination in every stride, his hands clenched at his sides. Hannah took the place next to Kathleen.

  “Dad likes you,” the young girl finally said.

  “I like your father. He’s a good friend.” The words sounded empty even to her own ears, as though she wished there was much more to the relationship than friendship. She scoffed at that notion. Neither wanted anything but friendship.

  “I’m gonna wear my new dress tomorrow to church. Candy says I don’t know how to pick out pretty clothes. I’ll show her.”

  “You’ll knock their socks off with that dress.”

  “Maybe you could help me pick out another one for school.”