The Courage to Dream Read online

  Rachel realized mentioning New York had been a mistake. Amy seemed to think Rachel had thrown down the gauntlet. Her sister was determined to find fault with the city no matter what.

  Amy bolted to her feet. “Just because I’ve done some work on the stage doesn’t mean I want to leave Magnolia Blossom. Everything I want is here. Come on, Kevin. We’re late to meet the rest of the gang.”

  “You need to be back by twelve,” Rachel called as Amy stalked to the front door with Kevin following her.

  Amy jerked open the door while Kevin said, “I’ll have her home by then.”

  After the couple left, quiet reigned for a few minutes in the living room while the two boys finished their pie and Michael drained his coffee. Rachel stood to take the empty plates into the kitchen. Tension knotted her stomach. She didn’t think she would ever get used to these skirmishes between her and Amy.

  “Can I go outside and play flashlight tag in the park?” Shaun jumped to his feet with a hopeful look on his face.

  “Can Shaun spend the night?” Garrett asked, leaping out of his chair with the same hopeful expression.

  “That’s okay with me if Rachel says it’s okay.”

  “Sure.” She drew in a deep breath to calm herself. Every time she was around Amy she was left feeling wrung out. Of course, with Michael sitting only a few feet away from her, the tension was heightened, and she couldn’t blame all her exhaustion on the confrontation with her sister.

  “I’ll pick y’all up at the park in an hour. That should give you enough time to play.”

  The boys raced for the front door and were gone before Rachel could blink. She sighed and looked at Michael, who still sat on the couch, relaxed as though he had not a care in the world.

  “I hope you weren’t expecting a miracle with Amy,” he said with a lopsided grin.

  “No. She stayed longer than I thought she would. Frankly, I wasn’t sure she would last two minutes. At least she got the piece of pie eaten.” Rachel stacked all the plates and started for the kitchen, needing to stay busy.

  Michael followed. She realized she might have to entertain him for another hour until he picked up the boys. The knot in her stomach tightened into a fist, and a band contracted around her chest. In her world she was used to entertaining, but this was different.

  “I’ll help you clean up.”

  “Oh, no, that’s okay. If you have something else to do before—”

  “I don’t, Rachel. I helped you make this mess. I’ll help you clean it up,” he said in that lazy Southern drawl of his.

  “Fine. You can dry. The towel is in that drawer.”

  “It always amazed me that Flora resisted modern technology up to the end. I know that Amy kept trying to get her to buy a dishwasher, but she thought that was a waste of good money, especially since she had Amy and Shaun to do the dishes.”

  Rachel filled the sink with water and soap. “That was my aunt. Look how long it took her to buy a television. She didn’t have one when I lived here. I think the kids went on a hunger strike before she caved in and got one.”

  Michael laughed. “She loved her radio.”

  “And her books,” Rachel said as she placed the first plate in the drain. “I miss her, whether you believe me or not. I wish I could have made it to her funeral. I wish I could have said my goodbyes.” Sadness laced her voice. She knew she was opening herself up in front of Michael and that was dangerous, but she hadn’t talked about her aunt with anyone except Robert Davenport. She needed to talk.

  “I know.”

  “Do you? Do you know how much she meant to me?”

  Michael put the towel down and turned to her. “I’m sorry I said those things on the riverboat that first day. That was cruel. I know you loved Flora. We all did. She was a remarkable woman.”

  The tears threatened, but she was determined she wouldn’t shed any in front of Michael. “She was like a mother to me.” Rachel continued washing the dishes, her blurry gaze fixed on the soapy water. “She certainly was around more than my own mother ever was.”

  “That’s how Shaun and Amy felt about Flora.”

  “Yeah, I can see why. Shaun has seen his real mother maybe four times since he was a baby and deposited with Aunt Flora. Amy is a little bit luckier, if you want to call it lucky. She was five when she came to live with Aunt Flora. Since that time she’s probably seen our mother a dozen times.”

  “It’s never easy for a child to be rejected by his mother or father. It’s hard being shuffled back and forth between two parents, too.”

  Rachel slid a look toward Michael, noticing his tone of voice had changed. It held a sadness that had nothing to do with Amy and Shaun. Since she and her siblings had never been shuffled between their parents or their parents and Aunt Flora, she knew Michael was referring to something else, something that bothered him deeply. “What’s going on?”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  The hardened line of his jaw emphasized the emotions Michael held locked inside. “Mary Lou called a few days ago. Now that she is remarried and lives so close, she wants to share custody of Garrett. She left us. Granted, she has kept in touch with Garrett lately, but our lives are just fine without any changes.”

  “What did you say to her?” Rachel finished washing the last plate and put it in the drain for Michael.

  “My first impulse was to slam the phone down. I didn’t. We’re going to see her this weekend in Jackson.”

  The steel edge to his voice underscored his displeasure at the prospect of seeing his ex-wife. Rachel knew only a few tidbits about Michael’s marriage to Mary Lou. When Amy or Shaun had wanted to talk about him, Rachel had changed the subject. She’d refused to let Aunt Flora mention him after his marriage. Rachel couldn’t shake the feeling of betrayal she’d experienced. Even though Mary Lou and Michael’s marriage hadn’t worked out, he’d married her, loved her and had a son with her. Rachel emptied the water from the sink and kept her face averted, realizing she had no right to feel that way. Michael deserved to be happy, and Rachel had always known being a father and having a family were two important things he’d wanted in life. She couldn’t begrudge him following his dream. She knew how important that was.

  “How’s Garrett feel about it?” Rachel remembered Mary Lou. She had been beautiful in high school and very popular. She’d grown up in Magnolia Blossom but had talked of moving to the big city after she graduated.

  “I haven’t said anything to him yet.” One corner of Michael’s mouth lifted. “I’m hoping the problem will go away. I don’t trust Mary Lou. When she left us, she made it perfectly clear she didn’t want to be a mother. Why is she suddenly wanting to change our arrangement? It’s been working well.”

  “For whom?” Rachel asked, realizing she sounded like she was sticking up for Mary Lou.

  Michael scowled at her. “Me! Garrett!” His voice was rough and grim. “Why can’t things stay the same?”

  Rachel wished she could control her life better, too. “That’s not the way life is. You know that.” She tilted her head so she could look at Michael. “What happened between you two?”

  He slung the towel over his shoulder and began to put the plates in the cabinet. His back was to her, his movements restrained. “It seems Magnolia Blossom wasn’t what Mary Lou wanted. I have a habit of picking women who don’t like small towns. She wanted more from life than what I or Garrett could offer her. She started drinking. Finally, after she nearly killed herself driving the car, she realized she couldn’t stay any longer. She left to pull her life together.”

  “How does Garrett feel about her living so close?”

  “He’s excited to see her. That worries me.”

  Rachel faced Michael. “Are you worried he’ll want to be with Mary Lou all the time?”

  His smile was rueful “Yeah. Being a parent isn’t easy. I have to be tough at times, set down rules.”

  “Tell me about it. I’m finding that out.” She reached out and touched his arm, her fingers cl
osing around it. “You’re a great dad. He knows that.”

  “I don’t want to lose him.”

  “You won’t. Garrett knows who has stood by him.” Suddenly aware that she was grasping him, she dropped her hand and stepped away.

  Michael rubbed the back of his neck and shook his head. “Garrett’s my life. I thank the Lord every day for him. I know God will provide me with the right answers when the time comes.”

  Michael’s strong faith had always sustained him. When they had been friends years ago, he’d shown his love of God in many ways. And while in Magnolia Blossom, she’d believed she wasn’t alone in the world and that she was one of the Lord’s children, too. What had happened to her budding faith? “Are you still involved in your church like you used to be?”

  “Yes. Amy and Shaun are, too. I hope you’ll come to the service one Sunday. Reverend Williams is still the minister.”

  “I always enjoyed his sermons.”

  “Me, too. He has a strong belief in family. When I’m at church, I feel a part of a larger family. It helps to put my life in perspective. The people of this town are good people. My son and I can count on them in times of trouble.”

  Michael’s words made Rachel wish she had that with her own brother and sister. It was her fault there was such a distance between her and her siblings. She had the summer to change that. “Well, right now I could use some pointers on being a parent. I wish parenting came as easily to me as it does to you.”

  “Came easily? Whatever gave you that idea? It’s hard work, but I wouldn’t trade my years with Garrett for anything. I want more children. I want to give him brothers and sisters.”

  Rachel didn’t want to consider Michael remarrying and having more children. But she realized that was a purely selfish feeling because Michael was a great father.

  He glanced at his watch. “It’s getting late. I’d better go and pick up the boys.”

  “Thanks for your help tonight.”

  “I don’t mind doing a few dishes.”

  “Not the dishes. With Amy.”

  “It was no big deal. I didn’t need the pies, anyway.”

  “I hope that isn’t because you feel you’re overweight? If so, the rest of us are in big trouble. There isn’t an ounce of extra weight on you.”

  He chuckled. “No, I just don’t need the sugar.”

  “But you used to love chocolate and anything else sweet.”

  “I still do. I just refrain from indulging too much.”

  Rachel eyed him. “Are you a health-food nut?”

  “No, but I have to set a good example for my son. I try not to eat too much junk food.”

  “Now that’s something all cooks love to hear.”

  He cocked his head, a tiny frown creasing his brow. “It really does fulfill you, doesn’t it?”

  “I think everyone needs a way to express herself. A creative outlet. Cooking is mine.”

  “No regrets then?”

  “None.” She answered too quickly, her throat closing at the intensity in his expression. How could she tell him the hardest thing she’d ever done in her life was walk away from him? But she’d made her decision ten years before and she would stick by it. Her life was her work. “I’ll walk you to your truck.”

  “You don’t have to. I know my way.”

  “That’s the least I can do for you since you came tonight to help me with Amy.” She began to move toward the front door.

  “Tell her, Rachel.”

  His words halted her, and she turned to face him, the length of the kitchen between them. “You saw what happened when I mentioned New York. We’ve been through this, Michael. I need more time.”

  He held up his hand, palm outward. “Okay. I won’t mention it again.”

  She quirked an eyebrow. “Really?”

  “Really. You’ve made your point.”

  “This doesn’t sound like the Michael I used to know. The guy I knew wouldn’t have given up trying to convince me his way was the best way.”

  “Gee, you make me sound like a nag, or worse, a dictator.”

  “Never. Opinionated, yes. We did have some lively debates.”

  He crossed the kitchen and strode past her into the living room. “I guess raising a son has mellowed me. Besides, no one stays the same. People change, grow up. We were young back then.”

  “Yeah, babes in the woods.”

  Peering over his shoulder, he placed his hand on the front doorknob. “I see your cynicism hasn’t changed.”

  “You forget that at the age of sixteen, when I turned up in Magnolia Blossom, I’d seen more of the world than most people, and the places I’d seen were not your typical tourist spots.”

  “Where? You’ve never talked much about your past.”

  “Because it is the past, and that’s where it belongs.” It was one of her cardinal rules. She would not look back. It was a hard rule to follow, though, when a person returned home after being gone for a long time.

  Michael stared at her for a moment, then yanked the door open. The air vibrated with his tension. Even ten years ago, he’d wanted to delve into her life as though he had a right to know every minute detail. She sighed and pushed the screen door open.

  Out on the front porch, the night air was still hot and humid. It bathed her face in a blast of moist heat that, she kept reminding herself, was one of the reasons she liked living closer to the North Pole than the equator. She watched Michael descend the steps and head for his truck, his movements agile, fluid. She had always loved to watch him. That had not changed, she realized as she followed him to his truck.

  With his hand on the door handle, he threw her a glance over his shoulder. “I’ll bring Shaun home tomorrow afternoon.”

  “Fine.” For a reason she couldn’t account for, she didn’t want him to leave just yet. “I realize we’re two different people, that we’ve changed in the past ten years.”

  He pivoted, crossing his arms over his chest, and regarded her with the intensity she’d come to expect from him. “What you mean is that we don’t know each other like we used to, that we’re really strangers?”

  “Exactly.” She looked away, then at him. “But we can make this…friendship work.”

  “So long as I play by your rules?”

  “Michael, you’ve never played by anyone’s rules but your own. I know that hasn’t changed.”

  He leaned on his truck. “I think that was a compliment.”

  She smiled, relishing the light breeze that had kicked up, cooling her flushed cheeks. “Yes. I’ve always admired your independence, your loyalty and honor.”

  “My gosh, you make me sound like a Boy Scout.”

  Rachel laughed. “Not you.”

  “Now, that didn’t sound like a compliment. If I stay too much longer, I probably won’t have an ego left. I need to go. The boys are waiting.”

  “Are you kidding? They haven’t thought once about you picking them up.”

  “True. I’ll have to drag them away and listen to them whine all the way to Whispering Oaks.”

  “The things parents have to put up with. I’ve come to the quick conclusion everyone who wants to be a parent needs to go to school, then take a long, exhausting exam before they can have children.”

  He dropped his arms to his side. “Tough, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah, tough.” She hadn’t meant there to be a note of vulnerability in her voice, but she heard it and so did Michael.

  He took her hand in his and pulled her closer, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’ll help you for as long as you need me to.”

  Her heart fluttered. “I appreciate it.”

  His hands tightened about hers. A warmth suffused her. The world spun, and she leaned into him to steady herself.

  “Are you okay?” He gripped her by the arms.

  “I’m fine. Just not enough sleep. Amy gets in late. Shaun gets up early.” She would never tell Michael his nearness still did strange things to her insides.

/>   “I’ve spent a few sleepless nights worrying about Garrett, and he isn’t even a teenager yet.” Michael drew her into his embrace. “I’ll walk you to the house.”

  She shook her head against his chest, said, “Really. I’m fine,” but she didn’t move out of his arms. Instead, she listened to the strong beat of his heart, its tempo increasing. The realization that she was having an effect on him made her bolder and probably, she would decide later, foolish. She wrapped her arms about him and tilted her face to look into his eyes. The illumination from the streetlight cast shadows on his features, but she could read the concern in his expression.

  He threaded his fingers through her hair, his gaze fastened on to hers. “You need to take care of yourself.”

  “I will,” she murmured, licking her dry lips. “Strange bed. Strange house.”

  “Flora’s?”

  She nodded.

  Silence engulfed them.

  Her leaving Magnolia Blossom would always stand in their way. Suddenly, she didn’t want that between them, at least not at the moment. She could get very comfortable in his embrace. That knowledge sent a bolt of panic through her, and she pushed away.

  An electrified silence crackled between them like heat lightning.

  Finally, he opened his truck door and slid inside. Hugging herself, she stood in her aunt’s driveway while he backed out and drove toward the park. Coldness embedded itself in the marrow of her bones. She wasn’t sure if she could make it to the end of summer living in the same town as Michael. He made her feel things she was determined she would never feel. He made her remember—something she tried very hard not to do.

  * * *

  Rachel rolled over and peered at the clock on her bedside table. Five in the morning. She groaned and snuggled under the covers, hoping to go back to sleep. Fifteen minutes later she gave up and climbed out of bed.

  She slipped on a robe and headed for the kitchen to fix a large pot of coffee. She had a suspicion she would need it. She’d only had a few hours of sleep. Thoughts kept tumbling through her mind, and she couldn’t stop herself from thinking—about Magnolia Blossom, Amy and Shaun, but, most of all, about Michael.